So… I set out to blog about my work throughout 2015. I thought I would talk about the research process I was going through, and share my thoughts and ideas in a really frank and honest way.
But I didn’t.
I thought about it.
I thought, ‘I really should blog about this’, but I really didn’t want to. I was happy to bury myself in my cave of creativity, invite others to come and talk and play and watch what I’d been making, but I wasn’t happy to document this very real and personal investigation on a blog.
The reality of reflecting on my process whilst in the thick of it was not what I had expected.
Either I’m really inside the process- struggling, present, experiencing all those very real emotions and challenges associated with the creation of art- or I’m outside myself, writing about it, desecting it, editing what I want the worldwide web to know and what I want to keep to myself for now.
I didn’t feel that I could share my thoughts with complete honesty, nor did I feel that in blogging about my process I might gain any deeper insight into what I was making or how I might do that.
For me, there are clearly aspects of my journey towards creating a new work that I want to grapple with alone or in face to face discussion with people who will help me on that journey. I think that’s ok, I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this.
I feel slightly torn though. I’m not secretive, or a recluse. The door is never shut, I am more than happy to talk to anyone who might be interested about my work. I always like to engage in conversation about my ideas. But posting a blog?…That feels like a lonely task. A covert operation. One sided. Ellusive. Guarded.
Ok It could be fun… but will anyone actually read it?… I will need to become good at this. Funny, or witty, or clever, or absurd, or political, or….
So I think my new challenge for 2016, if the Arts Council help support my new project, is to find a joy in this blogging thing.
I have no idea who might read it. But if you are reading it, and if you ever do read one of my posts, whoever you are, maybe you could just say ‘Hello!’… that would be really exciting!
So Happy New Year, and let 2016 be a year full of exciting and honest new works of art!
Antonia x
